Feelings

Feelings are very real but not always true.  They are real because they are actual sensations that are really happening in your body, often related to the chemicals your body is creating and releasing.  However, the thoughts that often come in tandem with our feelings can be untrue.  Feelings do give us information, and some of it can be true.  However, feelings are not reliable to give only true information.  Because of this, we can experience a sense of emotional flooding that makes us kind of emotionally “drunk,” struggling to use good judgment because we are overwhelmed by sensations that seem to support ideas.

Because of this, we sometimes want to get rid of feelings altogether.  Feelings, however, can be seen as trying to help us.  Feelings are not bad or good; they are morally neutral tools that require skill and discernment for proper use.  We decide what to do with them.  We are responsible to consider what each feeling indicates and to ask whether the messages we are receiving from them are true.  Feelings can go awry, as in the case of anorexia, and we can misinterpret the information they present.  Make friends with your feelings, and recognize them as tools in your toolbox, rather than as your god or your guide through everything in life.  You have to decide which messages to believe, whether and how to express them, etc.  Learn how to use the tools well.  You do not need a sledgehammer for to accomplish a gentle nudge.  Do not simply allow the strongest feelings to make themselves most heard without discerning what is real.  We have more control over our feelings than we think we do.  They are just feelings; we are the people who manage them.  Be the grownup in your own body. 

God made human beings to develop something we call an observing self as we grow toward adulthood.  Ideally, the observing self is like an internal coach, cheerleader, friend, and helper.  Ideally, it is not critical but speaks the truth in love, telling us what the rules are, what will help and hurt us, etc.  The observing self can help us become more what God made each of us to be.  However, sometimes we develop an internal critic that overrides the helpful function and is shaming instead; this can be especially true for people who have grown up with abuse, neglect, or other trauma, particularly trauma involving central adults in their lives.  Do you have an internal critic that is hurting you more than helping you?  How much is it costing you?  Where did it come from?  Think about the term critic; it usually connotes an outsider with ambitions of his own, one that has a job when more material is produced.  A critic is not there for the person producing and has no responsibility to that person.  However, our internal critics are inside of us; we can fire them if they are not helping us.  A critic simply offers an opinion, however educated that opinion might be.  We do not have to believe or agree with everything that comes from a critic; we do not have to accept a critic’s opinions as facts when they are not facts.  In this context, Cinthia discusses a blog written by Anne Midgette for The Washington Post about the need for art critics to be responsible; this can mean doing one’s best to convey a sense of what is happening in the field by describing all the many sides of it, fostering dialogue, etc.  Is your internal critic helpful?  Does it foster helpful exploration inside of your mind, or does it simply disparage you?

Strong feelings can arise when dealing with the internal critic, and breathing is critical for managing these.  Therapists know that the shallower our breathing, the more we will tend to believe all our feelings.  Feelings can spike our adrenaline, but oxygen helps the body lower adrenaline.  Relax your shoulders and breathe; then decide whether to engage with feedback from the internal critic.  You do not have to believe everything it says.  Just because something sounds or feels true, comes from someone you like, etc., does not necessarily mean you should accept it as fact.  You choose which things to believe; what are your criteria for this?  Perfectionism makes it hard to believe praise. 

As an alternative, Cinthia discussed Dr. Kristin Neff’s concept of self-compassion, which has the potential to move us out of our own threat systems and into safety.  She also encouraged learning how God thinks of us, likening him to the “kindergarten cop” in the movie by that name.  He wants us to explore, learn, test, and discover how He feels about His children; He allows us to play.  But He is strong in the midst of our explorations. 

In American, individuals frequently dislike themselves and try to change who they are in more and more radical ways.  We have to learn to accept that we are created beings.  We did not make ourselves, and God did not consult us when He made us.  God puts so much thought into what He creates, and He likes the way He makes us, though sin can warp our expressions of that creation.  We must learn to respect God’s creative authority.  It is incredibly arrogant to tell God we do not like what He made and are going to alter it ourselves; He put thought, love, and creativity into the design of each person—including you.  He alone has the right to define us and say who we are; what artist would be okay with someone telling him his or her work should be changed from the artist’s idea to someone else’s?  Romans 9:19-20 asks who we are, as human beings, to talk back to God, like clay vessels demanding of the Potter, “Why did You make me like this?”  God is brilliant and does not need us the way we tend to think, which frees Him to love us the way He does.

You are a created being.  Somebody had to come up with the idea of you.  Explore, learn, test, play, and discover how He feels about you; respect the Creator and the fact that He created you.  Consider that there may be Someone bigger and smarter than you are and that He loves you.  He is the only One who can tell you who you are, and He overrides your internal critic.