How Do You Know They Love You?- Part Two

Today Cinthia continues a topic she started earlier in the month: how to know whether someone loves you.  Relationships are complicated, whether they are romantic relationships, friendships, or family ones.  When we are most vulnerable, sometimes the wrong things get exaggerated, and the things that are true get minimized.  So how do we know when someone loves us – or, at least, how to know when someone loves us in a way we can trust? 

People are imperfect.  A person who loves you in a healthy way can humble himself or herself when wrong, ask for forgiveness, and accept forgiveness.  That person can also forgive you quickly, though he or she may need time to heal; needing to rebuild trust over time is not the same as denying forgiveness.  A person who loves you with a healthy love will be committed to getting over your wrongs as quickly as possible, but acknowledging the depth of the wound and the time it takes to heal is part of what makes healing happen.  Continuing to heal is necessary, but keeping a record of wrongs for the sake of power over another person or out of bitterness is a different thing. 

If you are the one who has been harmed and the person who loves you is giving you time to heal, it can help to express appreciation for this.  Do not say you are fine and pretend to be over it when you are not, but don’t over-complicate the transgression, either.  It is ok to be where you are and let the healing process happen.  Secretly nursing wounds, ruminating, etc., does not further your healing process; healthy grieving does.  Healthy love is honest and merciful at the same time, and it does not take humanness personally.  Similarly, when someone forgives you, appreciate it and do not overcomplicate it in return, getting more stuck on your offense than the other person is.  It is not the offended person’s job to help you get over yourself.

A person who loves you is courteous, polite, and gracious to you and not only to others.  A person who loves you will honor what you need, even if he or she does not understand it.  It may be inconvenient or uncomfortable, but the person will care about what you need because he or she cares about you.  When someone shows this care, it is appropriate to express appreciation.