The Ignore-Delete Button

Today Cinthia explains a tool she uses, one we all need in our heads: the ignore/delete button.  This idea is a way of choosing not to dwell on actions (our own or those of others) that cause us to become overly or unnecessarily upset, judgmental, arrogant, self-loathing, or agitated.  Cinthia likes to picture her ”button” in the back of her head so she can physically tip her head when she uses it – a physical exercise that uses muscle memory to help her reset her perspective. 

If this surprises you or sounds unhealthy, perhaps reminding you of denial, minimization, or acceptance of abusive behavior, understand that this is a selective tool; it is not meant for use on everything.  The ignore/delete button is a gift from God, one that we learn to use by watching how He uses His own ignore/delete button.  God always knows, always sees, always hears, always feels; He is aware.  And yet He stays in relationship with His creation and manages not to kill us all instantly.  How does He do this?  Having provided for the atonement of our sins on the cross, how does He continue to handle a world that is not yet perfected?  How does He stay in relationship with people that, even when redeemed, are sinful, immature, and sometimes just obnoxious? 

Cinthia explains that God is the Master of appropriate ignoring and deleting.  There are some things He cannot ignore; the Flood, for example, happened because God could not ignore what was happening on Earth.  Also consider Psalm 109.  There are other things He ignores for now but address later in His timing.  There are things He deletes in His forgiveness, not holding them against us forever, but does not ignore because He loves us too much not to address the things that harm us and others.  And there are things He ignores and deletes, forgiving us and choosing not to openly and currently address every single sin we commit in the process of our lives on earth.  God does not excuse or acquiesce to our sin, but He does cover us while we are in the process of overcoming sin in His strength.

We, also, can hone the skills of appropriate ignoring and deleting.  We can choose not to focus on the one small dot that mars the otherwise blank sheet of paper.  We can enjoy sinful, annoying, unhealthy, compulsive, messed-up people, including ourselves, by selectively practicing the arts of ignoring and deleting.  This can strengthen our relationships and free us not to make an issue out of every little thing.  There are some things we should confront, and some information is helpful for addressing the situation.  However, if we decide not to confront a particular situation, we can let the information go.  We accept what we cannot change so we can allow for process while sin is being overcome and conquered.  This is different from protecting sin itself.

So how do we know what to ignore, what to delete, when to do both, and when to do neither?  Cinthia offered some questions we can ask.  For example, “Is this behavior unusual for the person, or is it a pattern?”  I might be able to let go and simply move on from a one-time mistake, sin, comment, decision, etc. (e.g., becoming intoxicated one time), while it might be more important to address a pattern (e.g., drinking too much on a regular basis).  “Do I know this person well enough to become involved in addressing the behavior?”  Some behaviors and behavior patterns may merit action but still not be our business.  “Is this the time to deal with the situation?”  There may be some things we temporarily ignore but plan to address at a particular, more appropriate time.  However, if I have to ignore and delete too many things in a very close relationship, I may have to reconsider the nature of that relationship. 

The ignore/delete button has many useful functions.  It can be especially helpful in interacting with people whose value system is different from our own.  Again, if we are not going to confront something, perhaps we should ignore and/or delete it rather than dwelling endlessly on what we cannot change.  Sometimes we have to repeat the deleting process, especially if we continue to decide not to confront the situation.  This is not the same as accepting the behavior or tolerating it going forward.  Even if I decide to leave a situation, I can use ignore/delete to protect my own brain, attitude, etc.  Some things are not worth our time and emotions.  Not everything has to be addressed, figured out, analyzed, etc.  If I can’t change it, there are some things from which we can just move forward. 

Ignoring and deleting can help us bring our minds under the peace of God’s protection.  Cinthia discussed several aspects of Psalm 91 and noted that God protects and defends us, even from His righteous anger and from ourselves.  She quoted, “I rest in the shadow of the Almighty, and I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in Whom I trust.’”  She stated, “My God belongs to me, and I to Him.”  Focusing on this reality helps the central nervous system and reorients us.  He is our refuge, even from ourselves.  We can always trust Him even though He can’t always trust us.  While we may trust other humans at a human-to-human level, our trust in God is much more profound and is unique to Him.  This provides the foundation to reset our perspectives by ignoring or deleting things that are not helpful or healthy for us to think about at a given time.

Cinthia also discussed Psalm 37 and Philippians 4:8.  The ignore/delete button can help us to actively practice grace and mercy.  Mercy has to do with kindness and compassion; it is often seen in the context of God not punishing us as our sins deserve, but delivering us from His own just judgment.  Grace has to do with kindness and compassion and also carries the idea of bestowing a gift or favor, extending blessing to one not worthy of it.  Are you willing to humble yourself enough to receive grace?  Don’t snag on your own pride or attempt to fix things on your own out of shame; shame and pride are both enemies of grace.  Forgiveness is the cure for yourself and others.  Cinthia also quoted from Psalm 73:28: “But as for me, the nearness of God is good for me.  I have made the Lord God my refuge so that I may tell of all your works.”  Ignoring and deleting the right things helps us enjoy the nearness of God and make Him our refuge.