Conversations with Cinthia

Dating: Got Love?

When you find someone with whom you want a long-term relationship, then what?  How does an adult relationship work?  Cinthia explores what makes happy, healthy relationships tick.  Things like shared value systems at work in day-to-day life (e.g., How do we treat our server in a restaurant?) and the kind of self-regulation that emotional adults do can really help a relationship function.  

Dating: Building Healthy Relationships From the Start

Yesterday, Cinthia discussed the basics of appropriate expectations; these mostly had to do with the ability and inclination to pursue emotional safety, health, and maturity.  Today, Cinthia explores other expectations we may bring to relationships which may be healthy or unhealthy, important or not important, realistic or unrealistic.  Dating is, among other things, a process in which we explore our expectations of one another and whether the two of us can build a relationship that is mutually satisfying.  What are your expectations, and which ones are important enough to rule out a relationship?  Which ones might be good to let go?

Dating: Appropriate Expectations

It's become popular to encourage people not to have expectations in an effort to avoid disappointment or pain.  However, Cinthia says, we can't have intimacy or safety without expectations -- appropriate expectations.  What should we realistically expect from a potential relationship partner, and what should we expect from ourselves?  Cinthia gives some specifics and guidelines.

Dating: Relationship Assessments

Is your relationship enjoyable?  Successful?  Painful?  Delightful?  Is there as much closeness as you want, or more than you know how to handle?  How much effort does it all require?  Society no longer provides the structure for dating that many societies, including our own in the past, have provided for the building of a marriage; this means we have to be willing to build structure for ourselves and seek it with someone else. If you're not sure what this should look like, you're not alone; let Cinthia give you a place to start.

Dating Is Hard to Do in the 21st Century, Part 2

What do adults expect from romantic relationships?  What does maturity look like in marriage?  Sometimes, whether or not we acknowledge it, we expect marriage to become the ultimate source of satisfaction and hope in our lives.  Cinthia explores how to look to God as our Source, work on ourselves so we can be complex instead of complicated, and evaluate our own unspoken hopes and rules for relationships.  She also discusses when to introduce a potential partner to children and what to do with a child's feelings about that person.  

Dating Is Hard to Do in the 21st Century, Part 1

Dating seems like it should be fun, doesn't it?  The reality is pretty variable.  And, fun or not, dating in the current era is very difficult to do, or at least to do well.  How do you seek a long-term relationship in our society while keeping hold of your emotional health?  Cinthia is going to be discussing this topic for the next two weeks.  Join her in today's episode for a look at where to start in the adventure we call dating.  

Fear, Part 4: Feelings, Choices, Faith, and Trust

Some people seem to have stronger faith than others, but trust is a relational issue.  How do we increase our faith and strengthen our trust?  And what does it mean that our fears can be real without being true?  

Fear, Part 3: Is Fear Wrong?

Since the Bible so often repeats, "Don't be afraid," Christians sometimes come to think of all fearful feelings as sin, or at least as signs of weak faith.  But fear is partly biological, partly psychological, partly instinctive, partly learned.  Fear is our alarm system, and not being able to acknowledge it can be dangerous.  God made humans and knows all about this; He also became human and experienced it (remember Gethsemane?) without ever sinning.  Cinthia explores how to take God's "don't be afraid" commands seriously so that they bring freedom.  (She'll talk more about this at the beginning of tomorrow's episode, too, so check that out, as well.)

Fear, Part 2: Don't Be Afraid

Have you ever told a child not to be afraid?  Perhaps you followed this with a reminder that you were with the child, or explained that the situation was safe, or told the child what to do instead of focusing on their fear.  God tells His children over and over again not to be afraid, and He often follows this with commands or other reassurance.  Cinthia explores how to receive this and help it soak into our beings.  Also, have you ever wondered why people seem to like being scared in some contexts, such as horror movies or roller coasters or singing karaoke?  Cinthia covers this today.

Fear, Part 1: The Purpose of Fear

Fear can be paralyzing. Why do we have it? Do we need it? And what are we supposed to do with it?