Conversations with Cinthia

Real Grownups, Part 4: Re-parenting Yourself (first aired 9-28-17)

Nobody had a perfect childhood, and too many people go into the world hoping it will give them what they needed but didn't get from their parents.  Unfortunately, the world isn't really set up for that.  The good news is that God gives us ourselves as "parents" in our adult lives, and, while we can't go back to childhood and have others meet our needs, we can learn to meet our own needs and have healthy relationships with others now.  If you ever have a sense of insatiable need and find yourself taking that to the world, other people, substances, habits, etc., there is another option.  You can become a safe adult, a parent, for the child inside you.  You can learn from the past and move forward into the future.  You can develop your own value system and bring it with you into every situation.  Join Cinthia to learn more about becoming the parent you've always needed.  

Real Grownups, Part 3: Finding Your Calling (first aired 9-27-17)

Do you ever wonder why you're here or even feel disconnected from yourself?  These things can happen at different levels, but everybody wants to have a sense of purpose in life.  In church, we often talk about this as finding or discerning a calling.  We can get bogged down in figuring out what ministry or career we are supposed to engage or where we should live, etc.  Cinthia explains, however, that finding the calling on your life is not primarily about figuring out what to do; it's about learning to be who you are supposed to be.  The big question is not what you are supposed to do with your life, but who you are and how you do whatever it is that you do.  God supplies the "what" and takes over the itinerary.  So how do we learn who to be and how to steward the selves that God has given us?  We start by learning to take responsibility for ourselves physically, psychologically/ emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and socially.  This helps us reconnect with the people God made us to be.  Learning to be emotional adults involves learning to care for ourselves as people that God loves; this makes us capable of following the calling he gives us as He reveals it.  It may not sound as exciting as getting a revelation about the career or ministry God has for us, but learning to grow up makes us ready for anything He wants to do.  Join Cinthia to keep growing and moving toward ready.

Real Grownups, Part 2: The Difference Between Hurt and Harm (first aired 9-26-17)

Things that hurt an adult can devastate a child, and children need adults to put them back together (though we know they don't always get that help).  When our bodies and lifestyles have matured past childhood but left our emotions behind, we adults can function in much the same way -- being harmed by things that should only hurt, needing others to repair and manage them, etc.  Cinthia continues this series on becoming all that we were meant to be by helping us look at approaching hurt as emotional adults instead of grown-up-bodied children.  She explains the differences among being dependent, independent, and interdependent, and explains how this impacts the level of devastation we experience when other people make decisions that hurt us.  Life hurts sometimes, but you don't have to keep experiencing it as a helpless child.  Join Cinthia to keep learning, growing, and growing up.

Real Grownups, Part 1: Growing Up Emotionally (first aired 9-25-17)

You don't have to have had a perfect childhood to become an emotionally healthy adult, but sometimes it takes more work than we expected. None of us had perfect childhoods; for one thing, we were all reared by human beings.  Sometimes we think we matured because our bodies became adult bodies.  Maybe we lost our innocence or "grew up too fast" or became jaded, and we assumed that meant we had at least achieved emotional adulthood.  But the fact is that these things don't really produce emotional maturity.  Too many of us walk around in adult bodies doing adult tasks and functioning without the good parts of childhood, such as childlike faith, but with actual emotional functioning that would be more appropriate to children.  Join us as Cinthia explains what it truly means to be an emotional adult and continues a two-week series on how to become more of what you were meant to be.  

Kinder and Gentler, Part 3: Peace In Your Internal World

How negative is your internal world?  How do you think toward yourself and others?  This week, Cinthia has been discussing the idea that the way we treat ourselves tends to eventually work its way outward and influence the way we treat others.  Today Cinthia explains that love does no harm, but it does sometimes cause pain and discomfort for the good of the loved one. Loving ourselves can mean setting limits with ourselves and learning to take responsibility for ourselves.  We may need to require more positive behaviors and thoughts from ourselves, and we can't expect harshness to accomplish that.  Instead, Cinthia describes techniques we can use to begin managing our own thoughts more effectively.  If you need some practical advice on how to begin dealing with the negativity inside.  "Your brain works for you," says Cinthia.  "You don't work for your brain."  Join her to learn how to require more of yourself, including internal kindness toward yourself and others.

Kinder and Gentler, Part 2: How We Think Toward Ourselves

Would you ever talk to someone else the way you talk to yourself, or would you shudder at the thought of being so mean?  What would it be like to see someone treat another person the way you treat yourself?  Sometimes we minimize the seriousness of how we talk to ourselves.  Cinthia explains that, if the enemy can get you to abuse yourself, he can sit back and let you do his job for him.  Additionally, what's happening inside our heads usually works its way into our actions and our words.  We may never intend to be as critical of others as we are of ourselves, but a critical attitude can spread to parts of our lives we thought were off-limits.  Do the words you say to yourself in your own head reflect the ways Jesus talks to you?  If God lives inside you, what kind of dialogue does He have to hear in your head?  Cinthia encourages us to run interventions on ourselves and learn to apply the fruits of the Spirit internally just as we learn to apply them with each other.  

Kinder and Gentler, Part 1: As We Think In Our Hearts

Encouraging a kinder, gentler world can seem abstract and may even seem impossible; for some people, the very thought sounds annoyingly touchy-feely.  But each of us is responsible for our own treatment of others, and the language we use inside our own heads tends to impact the actions by which we impact the world.  Today Cinthia begins a week-long series by looking at the role of our thoughts toward each other and toward ourselves.  She asserts that the level of kindness and gentleness in our own internal worlds works itself into our behavior toward others, as well as impacting the relationship we have with the God Who lives inside believers.  There's a good dose of brain science in this episode, as well as a discussion of the difference between relating to others and having true intimacy.  If you have trouble at times dealing with other people, you may need to start with how you deal with yourself.  Join Cinthia to look at how to begin at the beginning: with the words you use in your own brain.

"40 Day Word Fast" with Guest Tim Cameron, Part Two

Today's interview with Tim Cameron follows yesterday's, which focused on Tim's best-selling book The 40 Day Word Fast.  Tim described the way he learned how powerfully the words we use impact us and how God could use the practice of fasting certain ways of talking to change us from the inside out.  (If you missed it, definitely check out the podcast for Part One!)  Today Tim focuses more specifically on judgement and the way these impact us when we use them.  He discusses the difference between observing "fruit" in order to have information to make decisions and actually judging people.  Cinthia and Tim also discuss self-judgment and the ways we talk to ourselves.

"40 Day Word Fast" with Guest Tim Cameron, Part One

Today Cinthia welcomes Tim Cameron for the first part of a two-day interview about his best-selling book  The 40 Day Word Fast: A Spiritual Journey to Eliminate Toxic Words From Your Life.  They discuss the ways that our speech tends to impact our values and functioning, just as it reveals what is already in our hearts.  Tim describes his own realization during a very difficult time that negativity, sarcasm, complaint, criticism, and other toxic speech had become regular parts of his life and his heart; he  realized that these were revealing things in his heart and reinforcing toxicity in his mind.  Tim came to believe God was calling him to "fast" certain words just as someone might fast from food.  As he did this, he experienced profound impact and went on to examine how practices like complaining can destroy us, while replacing these with gratefulness can build us in ways we never imagined.  Cinthia discusses the way the concepts Tim outlines in his book relate to her work as a therapist helping people heal, grow, and change.  She notes that the negative practices Tim describes are very different than lamenting or expressing feelings in a healthy way, though for some of us it takes time to learn the difference; Tim notes that Job expressed his grief and questions but did not sin with his lips.  This topic is too big for one episode, so come back tomorrow to listen to the rest!

Communication, Part 3: Life and Death in Words